dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
