Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
