Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
