I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
