FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize