Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
