the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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