If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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