You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
