I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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