She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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