we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
