you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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