I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
