She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
if i died would you start the facebook group?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
