i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
