There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
