he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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