dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
