They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
