they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize