I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Two words: blizzard sex
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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