I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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