Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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