Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
