What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
