tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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