i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Green mimosas i think yes
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
