i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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