'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My penis needs a shock collar
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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