The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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