First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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