You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
