did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
