I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I faked an abortion last night.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
