fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize