why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
