Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
And then my night got REAL pukey
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
