so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
