Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
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