There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
