the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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