I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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