Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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