3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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