I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
