how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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