things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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