i jhust puked up my retainher.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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