just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
