"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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