Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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