Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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