grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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