so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Randomize
