I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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