Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
