i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Everyone says I win the strip club
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
