Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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