Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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