he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
