Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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