Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
