never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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