the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
