I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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