I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
