DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
