he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
