he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
