I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
