Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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