even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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