I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
