I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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