i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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