even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
