I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
