If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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