tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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