He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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