So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
