He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
