Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
