Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
