i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
