I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
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