is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
