Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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