i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
