she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
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