I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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