dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
