fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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