it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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