I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
