we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The struggles of a small town man whore
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
