i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Found the puke drawer
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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