You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
