This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
