Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
