I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
