Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
