what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
