If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
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