Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
We're too hungover to prance.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
