My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I think my fart just growled at me.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
